Для тех, кто учит английский

[Наталья Нечистяк]

Урок английского
Первый урок, английский для начинающих:

"Три ведьмы разглядывают трое часов "Свотч". Какая из ведьм разглядывает какие часы?"

Теперь по английски!

Three witches watch three swatch watches. Which witch watches which swatch watch?

Второй урок, английский для продвинутых учеников:

"Три ведьмы-трансвеститки разглядывают три кнопочки на часах "Свотч". Какая из ведьм-трансвеститок разглядывает какую кнопочку на часах "Свотч"?"

Теперь по английски!

Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watches which Swatch watch switch?

Третий и последний урок, английский для абсолютных профессионалов:

"Три швейцарских ведьмы-сучки, желающих изменить свой пол, разглядывают три кнопочки на часах "Свотч". Какая из швейцарских ведьм-сучек, желающих изменить свой пол,разглядывает какую кнопочку на часах "Свотч"?"

Теперь по английски!

Three swiss witch-bitches, which wished to be switched swiss witch-bitches, watch three swiss Swatch watch switches. Which swiss witch-bitch, which wishes to be a switched swiss witch-bitch, wishes to watch which swiss Swatch switch?

[Inga]

из той же оперы:

Robert Roller rolled a round roll around
A round roll around Robert Roller rolled
if Robert Roller rolled a round roll around
Where is the round roll Robert Roller rolled around

[Ээх]

Конгресс писателей фантастов в Ирландии. Двое наших участников - издатель и переводчик сидят в пабе и обсуждают, каким должно быть пиво. Причем переводчик оказался любителем темных сортов пива, а издатель настаивает, что пиво должно быть темным, но не очень.
Пабмен долго прислушивается к их разговору, затем подходит, и деловито спрашивает у издателя.
***?
На что, естественно получает ответ
-Сам ***!
Пабмен кивает и приносит пиво, точно такое, как нахваливал издатель. А переводчик сползает под стол, потому что он, как переводчик, понимает этот диалог:
-Мо дарк? (Более темное?)
-Сам мо дарк. (Частично более темное)


А еще русские моряки знают, что если на просьбу американских таможенников позвать капитана ответить быстро "капитан Фокин", то америкосы как правило удаляются на 2-3 часа, бормоча "Hmm.. captain fucking... Oh, russians..."

[Диоген]

Интересная темочка!!!
Люблю посмеяться!

[maybach]

прикольно, а вот тоже примерчик



Corporate Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower,when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When
she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before
she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel,"

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2:

A priest offered a lift to a Nun.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.

"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in
the world" Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."


Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey,but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top
of the tree

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull$h!t might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.